


One lonely night

by moonlight_petal



Series: Fiction inspired by music [2]
Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bozer is a Good Bro, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Fluff, Inspired by Music, M/M, Mac has a fair for the dramatic, Mac has issues, Relationships are Difficult
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 03:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18327920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlight_petal/pseuds/moonlight_petal
Summary: Relationships aren't as easy as they are made out to be, even if you've known your partner for years already. That's something Mac and Jack have to learn the hard way and are now trying to deal with.(Follows the events of 'Can't fight this feeling' directly.)





	One lonely night

**Author's Note:**

> Another day and Part 2 goes online already. Somehow this one was a lot easier to write than 'Can't fight this feeling', don't know why exactly.  
> Anyway, I had a pretty clear idea of the plot for this one, a more mature approache to the problems they might encounter and yet... somehow Mac drifted dangerously close to angsty teenager territory at some point, sorry about that. Or maybe that's just me and others don't perceive it that way.
> 
> Still, I hope you enjoy this one. (The song as well, it's beautifully heartbreaking...)

One lonely night

~*~

 

_One lonely night_  
_One lonely night_  
_That's all it takes to completely break you_

                          'One lonely night' - REP Speedwagon, 1984

 

~*~

 

**Los Angeles, 2017**

The thing about love and relationships you never see in the movies, Mac mused as he was nursing a cup of coffee in the early hours of a Sunday morning, was that it wasn't easy. On the contrary, it took time and work. Just because you love someone, it's not necessarily easy to make a relationship work. It's hardly as easy a transition as TV wants you to believe. Mac was learning that the hard way at the moment.

 

After that first night, when he confessed his own feelings for Jack and they had spent the following hours in a very happy bubble, it turned out to be rather strange. One would think, the way they had behaved before already, it should just be added kisses and intimacy, but it didn't work like that. Both of them had trouble adjusting to the new situation, dancing around the line of the way it was before and pushing it until one of them felt almost suffocated. They had difficulties finding the proper middle ground.

 

Jack, Mac knew, held himself back most of the time mainly because he felt he didn't want to push Mac too much yet, since the whole Nikki debacle hadn't been all that long ago. And her sudden reappearance, throwing them for a loop as they learned that she didn't betray them in the first place, wasn't helping one bit. Not to mention that Jack himself had some emotional baggage to deal with thanks to Sarah and her marriage. And that didn't even start to factor in the complete shitshow that had been finding out the actual traitor had been Thornton all along.

 

All in all, it had been quite a difficult few weeks since that first night and once in a while Mac caught himself wondering if he should have kept his mouth shut from the start and let them continue the way they had before. What they had, had been good after all. Without fail however, he kicked himself moments later for the selfish thoughts because that wouldn't have been fair to Jack *at all*. Plus, Mac knew in his heart that he wouldn't have been able to deal with the fact of Jack actually moving on and maybe finding someone else, which was just as selfish if he was being honest with himself.

 

Mac sighed, placing his empty cup in the sink and returned back to his room. Jack had stayed the night and was still sleeping mostly peacefully but even in his sleep he painstakingly had kept to his own side of the bed as if he feared that it could be too much for the younger. And how messed up was that for a new relationship?

 

As he stood there, he realised that he wouldn't be able to get any more sleep anyway and silently left again, instead getting comfortable on the living room couch with a science magazine he hadn't had the time to read yet.

 

"Couldn't sleep again?" Bozer's voice startled Mac out of his reading some time later. He shrugged.

 

"Not really, no..." he admitted however, his strict 'don't lie to Bozer again' policy still in effect.

 

His best friend had been the first one to hear about Mac and Jack's 'updated relationship status' as the other had called it. Bozer, unsurprisingly, hadn't been shocked in the slightest. In fact he had known for a while already that the two of them had feelings for each other but were too oblivious to realise it themselves. And Bozer knew Mac since childhood, he probably had known about Mac's bisexuality even before Mac himself as well.

 

"Didn't Jack stay the night?" he asked, sitting down next to his friend.

The blond nodded slightly. "And you're still being weird..." Bozer sighed at that admission.

 

They hadn't talked about what was going on between Mac and Jack but it was obvious for anyone with eyes that their usually impeccable partnership was off, their strange behaviour at home affecting their field work which was really dangerous.

 

"Seriously Mac, what's with that? I probably should have asked that a lot earlier already but what's going on with you two? You were practically married already before and now that you finally got your shit together and are in an actual relationship, it's like you're heading right into divorce territory..." Bozer grumbled, painting a pretty accurate picture of how things were going which made Mac frown.

 

"I don't know..." he groaned. "He holds himself back, giving me space because of Nikki, I think in a way I'm doing the same for him because of Sarah and when we're actually alone together... I don't know, okay? I don't know... it's just too much somehow. I never had that problem with Nikki before..."

 

"Well... that was hardly the same thing, I mean, you barely knew each other when you started dating, you got together and then got to know each other, growing together... Jack and you, you know pretty much everything about each others lives already... you can't compare the situations really. But, bro, what do you mean with 'too much'?" Bozer turned a little, pulling his legs up on the couch to better look at his friend.

 

"It... I don't know how to describe it... it's overwhelming having him around now. I don't want to hurt him... but Jack's love is so all-encompassing and I'm... I don't know... afraid to lose myself in it? Because with my track record, what would I have left when he finally realises that he would be better off without me..." Mac said silently, turning his eyes towards the black TV screen.

 

"So that's why you keep pushing me away? Because you think I will fuck off at the next best opportunity?"

 

Neither Bozer nor Mac had noticed Jack standing in the shadow of the hallway. Bozer startled, a little wide-eyed but Mac gasped, jumping to his feet.

"No Jack, that's not what I meant..." he tried but one look into the furious eyes of his partner told him that Jack didn't believe a word he said.

 

Bozer quickly and silently vanished back in his room, not wanting to get in between and giving them some privacy at the same time.

 

Mac had known for a long time that he probably should have sought out help for his abandonment issues but between Bozer being a steady presence in his life and all the stressful situations he had gotten himself into ever since enlisting, he had kind of convinced himself that he had a handle on it finally, was able to accept new people without inevitably expecting to leave him again. Especially with Jack he had thought he had accomplished that. Apparently he had been wrong all along.

 

Jack watched him silently, daring him to lie to him in that moment.

"We both know that's exactly what you meant, Mac. Honestly if me signing up for another fucking tour in Afghanistan for you hadn't been indicator enough, I would have thought that me moving all the way here to LA would have done the trick to convince you that I'm not leaving. I'm doing everything here to stay right by your side, while you apparently are dead set upon sabotaging yourself and pushing me away at every possible opportunity. Look Mac, I love you, I really do and you know that. I've loved you for a long time and I know in my heart that I will continue to love you to my dying day but if that love is too much for you to handle, it might actually be better if I go home and stay away for a while. Give me a little while to neatly pack my feelings back into the boxes I hid them in before and we just forget all this happened. Maybe you're right and we just work better as partners in the business sense than the relationship sense." The older said all that while pulling on his shoes again and grabbing his keys from the counter. "I'll see you in the office, Mac..."

 

Jack grabbed the door handle, tears burning behind his eyes but refusing to let them fall just yet. He tried to convince himself that he was doing this for Mac and that it would be better for them in the long run. "Maybe you can call Nikki, I got the impression she wouldn't be at all adverse to rekindle what you had before..." he said it softly while slowly pulling the door closed, knowing instantly that he shouldn't have said it, that it had been an unnecessary, jealous stab designed to hurt the man he loved because he was now hurting himself.

 

Mac stood frozen in his place, shocked speechless at what had just happened and only when black spots started to dance in his vision he realised that he was also holding his breath.

"What... Jack!" he said brokenly but it was too late already, the door closed and the unmistakable roar of Jack's car sounding outside.

 

In a matter of seconds, Mac had crossed the room and opened the front door but the settling dust on the street was the only indicator that Jack had been there.

 

"Come back inside, Mac..." Bozer gently coaxed him a little later, one hand on Mac's shoulder. He hadn't actively tried to eavesdrop but Jack's voice had carried loud enough through the house for him to get the gist of what the older man had said.

He led Mac to the kitchen counter where he started to prepare some breakfast and still could keep an eye on the blond who still looked pretty shell-shocked by the situation.

 

Bozer pushed a bowl of cereal and fresh fruit in front of Mac when the blond shook himself out of his daze, scrambling off the stool.

"I have to go... sorry, Boze..."

 

"Mac!" his friend caught Mac's upper arm, holding him in place with surprising strength. "Mac..." Bozer's voice softened. "I don't think you should..." he murmured, stepping around the counter to gather the blond in a gentle hug.

 

"But I need to talk to Jack, it's... I can't... Boze, please..." Mac all but whimpered into the embrace.

 

"I agree, you need to talk to Jack, you absolutely need to talk to him, but not right now, bro. This thing that just blew up in your face? You need to think about that before you talk to Jack, otherwise this whole situation will repeat itself endlessly until you both end up broken and hurt and I, for one, don't want to experience that. What we talked about before and what Jack said, you need to make a decision, Mac. Either you work on letting go this fear and trust that Jack, of all the people in your life, will be the last person who will willingly leave you or you acknowledge that Jack has a point and both of you return to the way it was before. Think about it, Mac. I promise I will support you whatever you decide, but a decision has to be made because I refuse to watch two of my best friends ruin themselves over something that's supposed to be beautiful." Bozer whispered, tightening his embrace a little before letting go of Mac. "Eat something and think... I'll stay here today in case you need to talk, alright?" he said, grabbing his own bowl to go back to his room, leaving Mac alone with his thoughts.

 

Mac puttered around the house, tinkered with this and that but couldn't focus on anything. Something was missing and the longer he walked around the house, the more he noticed all the small things that were so unmistakably connected to Jack, dating already back a lot longer... Jack had always been such a huge presence in his life ever since they met and now that he's missing, Mac felt like he was missing a limb or something and was now dealing with phantom pains.

 

It was all the small reminders that now -in light of the fight and the consequences thereof- glaringly said that Jack was here to stay unlike so many people before. Jack never had any intention to leave Mac even before their somehow messed up attempt of a relationship and Mac had known that in his heart already, so why would he leave now, the blonde asked himself. That wasn't like Jack and if he did so now, it was Mac's own fault, like it probably had been time and time again before. Because he was afraid to let himself be happy, afraid of getting left behind, so instead he had pretty much done the leaving himself with his constant pushing.

 

It turned dark outside already when Mac finally made a decision, sending a request to their new boss via email before he dared to contact Jack.

 

Mac honestly wasn't surprised when his calls went to voice mail, if he was in Jack's place he probably wouldn't want to talk to himself either. So he cut the call without a message for the first time. And the second. And the third after that with varying intervals.

 

At the fourth call, Mac finally pushed himself to talk.

"Jack! Let's talk about this again, please? I'm sorry!"

 

Mac ended that call, dissatisfied with himself and his inability to express himself properly. He waited almost another hour with no reaction from the older before he dialled Jack's number again.

 

"Please Jack! I know I messed up! I think I do understand now what you were trying to tell me and I don't want to lose you. Not as a friend but more importantly not as the man I love!"

 

The blond studiously ignored the fact that his own voice broke on the last few words, the whole message having a slightly watery quality to them since he tried so hard not to cry.

 

Bozer, bless his soul, checked on Mac regularly, making sure that his friend didn't do anything stupid like he tended to do sometimes but didn't comment further than what he said in the morning. He put food in front of the blond, knowing that most of the time he would eat without really noticing if it was just 'there'.

 

"Jack, I know I hurt you but please... please find it in your heart to give me at least another chance to explain myself!"

 

"Jack, it's me again... are you alright? I really hope you're at least alright and nothing happened to you... I couldn't... anyway, I can understand when you don't want to talk to me but please let me at least know you're alright..."

 

"Jack... please forgive me... I guess I messed up for real this time and I probably don't deserve another chance, I understand...  I hope from the heart that you find a way to be happy..."

 

Mac had resigned himself to the fact that he had fucked up royally this time and all he had left to do now was make sure that Jack at least would find happiness at some point.

 

And Mac was aware that he was kind of being dramatic but he managed to ruin his shot at happiness with pure stupidity and as such felt entitled to a little drama. Even if it wasn't his style.

 

It was shortly before sunrise again and he was lying curled around Jack's pillow on what had quickly turned out to be Jack's side of the bed, not making a sound but still with tears running down his cheeks.

Once more he grabbed his phone.

 

"Jack... it's okay, you know? On some level I never expected you to stay and I guess I jinxed it that way. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy or something and I have no one to blame but myself. I'm really sorry that it's too little, too late but I do love you! I love you so much that all I want is for you to be happy! Be safe, Jack!" he whispered before he cut the call again and stared out the window at the first light of a new day, wondering what it would bring for him other than the aching feeling of missing someone special.

 

~*~

 

Mac's brain seemed to only come very slowly back online after a crash had startled him awake. When he had dozed off, he didn't know but it couldn't have been more than a few minutes since the sun still wasn't fully up yet.

The blond was just about to settle back into the pillow, convincing himself that the crash had just been Bozer starting on breakfast before going to work, when the door to his bedrom flew open with another crash.

 

"Mac? Mac!" was called and the voice sounded strangled with anxiety. "Jesus, kid!"

 

And even in the sluggish, sleep-addled quality of his thoughts, Mac knew that voice, springing to life as if being zapped by a live wire.

 

"Jack!" he jumped to his feet, ignoring the sudden dizziness and threw his arms around the older man. "I'm so sorry for being such an idiot! And I'm so sorry for pushing you away when all you ever did was show me that you want to stay. I love you and I want to be with you and I will work on my issues, I promise!" he murmured, muffled by Jack's shoulder.

 

The older had curled his arms around Mac tightly, soaking up the fact that he could and that Mac was fine.

"Jesus, Mac... you scared the living daylights out of me. Please never do anything like that again, alright? I love you, too! And we will talk about all this calmly and properly as well. But first you look like you need some rest, you look like roadkill warmed over!" Jack replied softly, trailing his fingertips through Mac's blond hair.

 

"Uh, sorry..." Mac whispered, dumbly not entirely sure what Jack meant but he surely would explain later. "I won't, I promise, and I already told Matty, I'm sure she'll help..." he rambled before he stopped short, really processing what Jack had said before. "Stay, please!" he pulled his head back and looked Jack in the eyes.

 

"Always, Mac! Come on..." the older pulled Mac back to his bed and together they curled up in the middle of the bed again. Cocooned in Jack's warmth, Mac quickly fell back asleep again, with both hands tightly wound in Jack's shirt.

 

He had filed away everything Mac had said for future inspection, to be talked about in detail later on but for now he enjoyed the sound of Mac's soft snores against his chest that told him he had his dearly loved, blond puppy back and more importantly alive and well which he had kind of feared might not be the case after listening to Mac's last voice mail.

 

Everything wasn't well of course. They still had quite some work to do still to find this healthy middle ground for their relationship but after this long day apart, Jack was a lot more confident that they both would be able to make it work.

 

**Author's Note:**

> As mentioned in Part 1 already, there is a third installment of this particular storyline in the planning and a few more random ideas inspired by other songs. That being said, I'm open for suggestions/prompts/song recommendations for this series.


End file.
